I had someone comment on Corrina’s ball video saying, ‘you’re like her biggest fan’ and they’re right. I really am her biggest fan, number one supporter, full time hype man. Building my little sister up is one of my favorite jobs as her allocated adult.
I didn’t have a hype man growing up. I had adults in my life that would praise me. But all the praise was connected
Growing up in a Christian house I was constantly met with shame and belittling when I would begin to feel confident. I always seemed to be too loud, too rude, too vain but most of all too argumentative.
Constantly being made to feel like the way I showed up in the world was wrong. Something about me never seemed to fit. It made me feel like I should always be grateful for whatever attention I got.
“He’s so good to put up with you” – A line that was quickly attached to any boyfriend I had.
Being a half cast I was always too soft for my Samoan side and too hard for my palagi side. At Samoan family events I was always over dressed, too skinny, wearing too much make up and trying too hard. Then at Palagi family events I wasn’t dressed up enough, didn’t do my make up right and made too aggressive jokes.
What was the outcome of this? Settling. I became completely accustomed to settling and never quite being enough.
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