“What a week... My whole life has just been completely flipped upside down.
Corrina and me are looking for a rental for us and Romeo. My relationship with the rest of my family is completely hostile and unhealthy and this genuinely feels like a whole new beginning.
Spending last weekend in jail gave me alot of time to think. It made me realise...
1. I am one strong bitch. I mean that mentally and physically. I was so proud of myself for staying so level headed. I just kept manifesting out loud...
“Everything is working out in my favour, I am learning and growing from this experience”
2. Cam is my family, hes my home, my safe place. I love him more and more every day.
3. I reckon I was a criminal in my past life hahahhaha.
I’m so proud of Corrina throughout this whole experience she’s just behaved with such maturity and kindness. I love her energy and I just love seeing her so happy! I’m excited for our exciting new chapter together.
Thankful:
1. To have so many pet friendly rental properties to view and consider
2. Chloe – She was the perfect person to support us through yesterday. She helped Corrina apply for all her youth benefits and made the whole process enjoyable.
3. Cam got a job!! He’s soooo happy ”
Now here I am Saturday 20th of August snuggled in bed eating Ben n Jerry’s in our home that I created.
What a year.
Out of the three things I realised only one of them no longer stands the way it did a year ago. I feel like Cam will always feel like home to me in a way. We may never cross paths again and that’s okay. That doesn’t take away the memories we shared or the love that we held for eachother.
I’m so thankful I had him to weather some of this storm with. He created safety for me when my mind was the dangerous place. He taught me so much about life and love. He will take with him a version of me no one else will get to meet.
That doesn’t make it not real though. It doesn’t make it less valid because our time came to an end before we felt ready.
If I’m being honest I don’t think you’re meant to feel ready for the big things. Sometimes being ready can just gives you time to be anxious. Like how they tell you not to look when you’re getting a vaccination.
Not knowing when the pain is going to hit is always better than preparing for it.
That’s what I’ve decided anyways. As I navigate my dramatic and storyline filled life. Being surprised will always be more fun than being prepared.
Because quite frankly nothing prepares you. Nothing prepares you for what life has to throw at you. That’s why it’s throwing at you. Your only goal here it to catch it. Sometimes you might drop it though and when that happens pick it up and throw it back.
The catches don’t have to be perfect or well times.
It sounds silly but life feels a mean older sibling always pushing you just that bit further everytime until you snap. You lose your temper, you break things you’re left in the mess.
But then you start cleaning and as you clean you realise things weren’t as nice as they could be and you make it better than before. And as your older sibling watches from above they’re happy that you learnt from the arena they set up fro you.
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